Curb Your Attitude

Psychometricians, including Jordan Peterson, have been administering linguistically based psych tests to determine an individual's ATTITUDE. Essentially, giving variations of the Myers-Briggs MBTI to infinity and beyond without learning what makes us salivate.

During the 1890s, Russian physiologist, Ivan Pavlov was researching salivation in dogs in response to being fed. He inserted a small test tube into the cheek of each dog to measure saliva when the dogs were fed (with a powder made from meat).

Pavlov predicted the dogs would salivate in response to the food placed in front of them, but he noticed that his dogs would begin to salivate whenever they heard the footsteps of his assistant who was bringing them the food.

Childhood Wound

Our ATTITUDE is developed in childhood, our Pavlov Dog goes through four stages of homeschooling: ATTACHMENT (0-1.5), EXPLORATION (1.5-3), IDENTITY (3-4), COMPETENCE (4-7). Then we are rolled out the door to suffer through the CONCERN for OTHERS (7-13) and INTIMACY (13-19).

Usually we plow along through young adulthood to just past forty-five and Mid-Life Transition, where we revisit our Childhood to see what went wrong. We don't pay attention until we have our mid-life crisis, when the pain becomes so unbearable, we are forced to Curb Our Attitude or have it curbed for us.

"They get bitter, they cling to guns or religion," Obama at 47

Let's take Obama as an example of an uncurbed Attitude.Obama a classic ATTACHMENT: AVOIDER. No father, absent mother gets to the White House to spill his mid-life transition 45-55 woundedness on the world stage. The problem for Obama and all of us, no matter the stage of childhood development- Yes Virginia, everybody gets wounded - we can't unwind our wound. Our only Hope for Change is self-awareness and focus on our Growth Challenge.

Obama spent his entire Mid-Life Transition and Crisis in the White House. George 'W' thought his mid-life crisis was getting elected in November 2000 but 9/11 happened two months after his 55th birthday. Then let's not forget Bill Clinton's "Lewinsky Moment" at age 52, Bill not Monica.

"I did not have sex, with that woman..."

Slick Willie is another Attachment Stage: AVOIDER - first born, no father, nervous mother. The Avoider fears emotional rejection so Willie wants everybody to know that 'fellatio' is not a Significant Emotional Experience.

ATTACHMENT STAGE (0-18 months)

The AVOIDER:  Minimizer, Rigid Boundaries
Basic Fear (Wound):  Contact may lead to emotional and physical rejection, loss of self through contact with parent (partner).
Internal Message:  Don't be
Core Belief:  "I have no right to exist"
Relationship Belief:  I will be hurt if I initiate contact with you
Image of Partner:  Demanding, all consuming
Relationship to Partner:  Detached; avoidant
Core Issue:  Too much togetherness;  too many feelings;  too much chaos
Typical Frustration:  You hate me;  you feel too much
Recurrent Feeling:  Terror and rage
Conflict Management:  Hyper-rational;  avoidant;  passive/aggressive withdrawal and coldness
Growth Challenge:  Claim right to be;  initiate emotional and physical contact;  express feelings;  increase body awareness and sensory contact with environment 

"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." out of the mouths of  babes and 'Dubya"

Dubya moved to Houston after he graduated from the 7th grade in Midland. "W' was the first born therefore he mirrored his father H. W. Over-mirrored we might say in seeking his father's approval by bumping off Saddam Hussein. The smile on his face with Michelle adds to the CONFORMIST title in the INTIMACY Stage of Childhood Development (13-19).

INTIMACY STAGE (13-19)

The Conformist: Maximizer, Diffuse Boundaries
Basic Fear (Wound): Being different from others; disapproval of parent (partner)
Internal Message: Don't make waves
Core Belief: "I have to be good"
RB: I have to hold things together
Image of Partner: Rebellious child
Relationship to Partner: Condescending; critical; controlling
Core Issue : Stability and cooperation
Typical Frustration: You won't grow up; you always want to be different
Recurrent Feeling:  Angry self-righteousness
Conflict Management:  Tries to impose rules
Growth Challenge:  Experiment with being different; take risks, develop identity

Core Belief: "I am not lovable"

The Donald punched his second grade music teacher in the face guaranteeing the future 45th Prez a slot in the CONCERN for OTHERS Stage of Childhood Development. Second in birth order mirroring mom instead of Fred, gave Donald second class citizen feelings and his bad behaviors were pleas for attention.

CONCERN for OTHERS STAGE (6-13)

The Loner:  Minimizer, Rigid Boundaries
Basic Fear (Wound): Ostracism by peers; parental (partner) rejection
Internal Message  Don't be close
Core Belief: "I am not lovable"
Relationship Belief:  I'll be hurt if I try to be close
Image of Partner: Gregarious and intrusive
Relationship to Partner: Exclude partner from inner world; make unilateral plans; counter-dependent
Core Issue: Partner intrusiveness
Typical Frustration: You don't like me; you won't leave me alone
Recurrent Feeling: Resentment and depression
Conflict Management: Avoids conflict; sulks
Growth Challenge:  Develop same-sex friends; join partner in socializing; share feelings and thoughts with partner; become inclusive

So How Can We Curb Our ATTITUDE (Wound)?

Relationships are the key! Like Eckhat Tolle says "relationships aren't to make you happy, they are meant to help you grow." We chemically, mystically or maybe karmically find our wounded mate to begin the healing process. Since we have no understanding of this Childhood Wound stuff, we get no relationship counseling or if we do the counselor doesn't know who Harville Hendrix is and could care less, we are on our own.

Core Belief:  "I can't get my needs met"

 As an AVOIDER and like Bill, I married a CLINGER. I was rescued in mid-life by a CONFORMIST: Core Belief: "I have to be good", redirected by a REBEL:Core Belief: "I am not trusted"   and now live happily ever after with a CARETAKER: Core Belief: "Others need me."


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