The Jack of Clubs Club
"Relationships are not to make you happy. Relationships are to help you grow." - Eckhart Tolle.
"I am looking for a February 16, NINE of Diamonds." As a 65 YO widower expat in China, I pitched my quest in my "Icebreaker" speech to the Middle Kingdom Toastmasters Club. Wouldn't you know it, a couple of months go by and Karen Gao said she had found the lady for me.
I arrange a coffee date at the best State Owned Enterprise coffee house in Zhengzhou. This was prior to Starbucks arrival in Mainland China. Ms February 16, lived nearby in a fifth floor walk-up. I paused for a full minute at the top, to regain my shallow breathing norm, followed by walking backwards down the stairs to demonstrate my arthritic knee agility.
We were well into our second hour of coffee and enjoyable conversation, when she asked how I found her in 12 million population Zhengzhou. Easy, I told my friends that I was looking for February 16.
"What's with the business of my birthday?"
I discovered in my Sex and Marriage User manual that you and I are destined for a very simpatico relationship.
"That sounds like Astrology, and there are two things I hate: Religion and Astrology."
Outside of that, Ms February 16, how was the coffee?
My psychotherapist, Beverly, ended my first 30-year - 21 married - relationship by suggesting I read Harville Hendrix's book, "Keeping the Love You Find." It turns out, I was an AVOIDER just like Bill Clinton and Obama, married to a CLINGER, like Hillary and Michelle. It was easy to join the group since 35% of marriages fall in the ATTACHMENT Wound category.
Michelle the Clinger: Maximizer, Diffuse Boundaries Basic Fear (Wound): Separation and abandonment; loss of self through loss of contact with parent (partner)
Barack the Avoider: Minimizer, Rigid Boundaries
Basic Fear (Wound): Contact may lead to emotional and physical rejection, loss of self through contact with parent (partner).
Widowerhood, hit me at age 63 and not a whole lot of time left to get back in a relationship. If Tolle is correct that relationships are for growing, not to make you happy, not being in a relationship made me very unhappy. So, why not give astrology a try?
48 weeks x 48 weeks equals 1,125 reciprocal relationship combinations
Gary Goldschneider's "The Secret Language of Relationships" divides the year into 48 Personology weeks, each from six to eight days long and rates your chances as Best/Worst in Love, Marriage, Family, & Work. I went with the AQUARIUS-PISCES CUSP - The Cusp of Sensitivity February 16-22: as Best: Love.
To winnow down my seven options in The Cusp of Sensitivity I relied on Robert Camp's "Love Cards" 52 x 52 or 1,352 reciprocal combinations. Each card is scored in Attraction, Intensity & Comparability.
Those zero's in Compatibility are definitely not a good indication for making it past six months of cohabitation. The Intensity factor (disagreements) +1 or higher guarantee a rapid rate of Growth in the relationship. I didn't get a chance to present this exculpatory evidence to February 16 at our China coffee date but it was fate.
I did Robert Camp's Relationship Connections worksheet once and that was enough. Recently, Camp has created web-based software that matches 366 birthdays with 366 reciprocal birthdays for an astounding 66,978 relationship pairs with narrative analysis for each connection, with a minimum of 7 max of 41.
Teg February 16
Teg is the Moon Card to February 16
Of all the connections that exist among the cards in the deck, the Moon connection is probably the single most powerful one when it comes to decisions about long term commitments. When someone is our Moon card, we feel very close and comfortable with them.
Michelle is the Moon Card to Obama and probably why they are still married despite the dangers of an Avoider/Clinger match-up.
The Relationship Readings come in three flavors: Friends, Intimate and Business. Everyone is in our life for a reason and thanks to the Cards there are 66,978 reasons why.