"Relationships are not to make you happy. Relationships are to help you grow." - Eckhart Tolle.
"I am looking for a February 16, NINE of Diamonds." As a 65 YO widower expat in China, I pitched my quest in my "Icebreaker" speech to the Middle Kingdom Toastmasters Club. Wouldn't you know it, a couple of months go by and Karen Gao said she had found the lady for me.
I arrange a coffee date at the best State Owned Enterprise coffee house in Zhengzhou. This was prior to Starbucks arrival in Mainland China. Ms February 16, lived nearby in a fifth floor walk-up. I paused for a full minute at the top, to regain my shallow breathing norm, followed by walking backwards down the stairs to demonstrate my arthritic knee agility.
We were well into our second hour of coffee and enjoyable conversation, when she asked how I found her amongst the 12 million population of Zhengzhou. Easy, I told my friends that I was looking for February 16.
"What's with the business of my birthday?"
I discovered in my Sex and Marriage User manual that you and I are destined for a very simpatico relationship.
"That sounds like Astrology, and there are two things I hate: Religion and Astrology."
Outside of that, Ms February 16, how was the coffee?
The Childhood Wound Theory of Relationships
My psychotherapist, Beverly, ended my first 30-year - 21 married - relationship by suggesting I read Harville Hendrix's book, "Keeping the Love You Find." It turns out, I was an AVOIDER just like Bill Clinton and Obama, married to a CLINGER, like Hillary and Michelle. It was easy to join the group since 35% of marriages fall into the ATTACHMENT Wound category.
Michelle the Clinger: Maximizer, Diffuse Boundaries Basic Fear (Wound): Separation and abandonment; loss of self through loss of contact with parent (partner)
Barack the Avoider: Minimizer, Rigid Boundaries
Basic Fear (Wound): Contact may lead to emotional and physical rejection, loss of self through contact with parent (partner).
Match-Making Using Love Cards
Widowerhood, hit me at age 63 and not a whole lot of time left to get back in a relationship. If Tolle is correct that relationships are for growing, not to make you happy, not being in a relationship made me very unhappy. So, why not give astrology a try?
To winnow down my seven options I relied on Robert Camp's "Love Cards" 52 x 52 or 1,352 reciprocal combinations. Each card is scored in Attraction, Intensity & Comparability.
Too bad, Ms 16 February didn't believe in Astrological Science: mutual Attraction, negative Intensity (no fights), super Compatibility
Those zero's in Compatibility are definitely not a good indication for making it past six months of cohabitation. The Intensity factor (disagreements) +1 or higher guarantee a rapid rate of Growth in the relationship. I didn't get a chance to present this exculpatory evidence to February 16 at our China coffee date but it was fate. Plus it illustrates what a difference a day makes even in a Best/Love week.
Web Based Destiny Software
66,978 Relationship Pairs
I did Robert Camp's Relationship Connections worksheet once and that was enough. Recently, Camp has created a web-based software that matches 366 birthdays with 366 reciprocal birthdays for an astounding 66,978 relationship pairs with narrative analysis for a maximum of ten.connections. Here is my 1st Connection with Ms. February 16:
Teg: September 13 February 16
Teg is the Moon Card to February 16
Of all the connections that exist among the cards in the deck, the Moon connection is probably the single most powerful one when it comes to decisions about long term commitments. When someone is our Moon card, we feel very close and comfortable with them.
Michelle is the Moon Card to Obama and probably why they are still married despite the dangers of an Avoider/Clinger match-up.
Beware of the NEPTUNE Connection
Before going to China I was emotionally eviscerated in a year long affair with Ms. February 21. Had I read the following Neptune 1st Connection Reading, I would have done things differently - naw that's not true, Love is and was blind.
Your first connection is always considered the most important of all and, in most cases, will represent the dominant pattern that is your relationship. Study the connection described below carefully, as it may reveal some hidden opportunities for the two of you.
February 21 is the Neptune Card to September 13 in the Life Spread
Each of us has a card or two in our Life Spread that represents a person who, on some level, fulfills our innermost dreams and fantasies. We each have a desire for love that transcends time and space, a love that is eternal and completely unlimited in its expression. Whether or not this kind of love is actually possible in this world we live is debatable. But one thing is for certain, we all yearn for it at a deep, soul level and sense that it is a real possibility for our lives. When we meet someone who is our Neptune Card, we are able to experience some of what this may be like, because in some ways they touch upon these parts of us and awaken these kinds of feelings within us. This is the case here where Ms. February 21 is September 13's Neptune Card. Ms. February 21 stimulates these Neptune energies in September 13 and makes him feel things that he may have never felt with anyone else before now.
Neptune relationships often have very romantic and unusual beginnings. There is often a sense of fate surrounding the situations in which the couple first get together. Coincidences abound during their first encounters and they often seem to have been magically drawn together by forces beyond their control. Sometimes they sense this past-life sort of feeling about each other. Neptune is responsible for some of the most romantic of involvements, those which people write books, songs and movies about. We find very high idealism in this connection, especially coming from September 13, who is on the receiving end of the Neptune influence of Ms. February 21. As a matter of fact, Neptune relationships are known for the fact that the romance remains for the life of the relationship. The fantasy of love and fulfillment never dies.
Truthfully though, in this relationship we will probably find that most, if not all of these wonderful feelings are being experienced by September 13 alone. That is of course, unless September 13 is also Ms. February 21's Neptune Card in another connection between them. But one of the characteristics of these Neptune relationships is that they are usually one-sided.
Though Ms. February 21 may be the person of September 13's dreams, the opposite is probably not true. In fact, because so much of the Neptunian energy has been stimulated in September 13, he may not be able to see Ms. February 21 as she really is at all. When under the influence of Neptune's spell, we project many of our expectations, unfulfilled needs and fantasies onto our partner. So much so that we can ignore the person they really are in the process.
This gives Ms. February 21 a certain power over September 13 but could also make her feel lonely at times. If she wanted to, she could deceive September 13 easily because in many ways, he is already deceiving himself. Some Neptune relationships are based upon this deception and the person giving the Neptune energy, Ms. February 21 in this case, can use this deception to get what she wants from her partner. But Ms. February 21 may tire of this relationship at times because on some level we all want to be loved for who we are. If September 13 is projecting his fantasies onto her, she may feel like the real person she is is not being recognized. Communication can help this situation if this is the case.
In Neptune relationships there is usually a strong psychic link between the partners. They often know each other's thoughts and can even second-guess each other's needs and desires. It can be a dream come true, as long as the projected fantasies or deceptions are not the main thrust of their being together.
What amazes me is that every word in the above reading is the god's honest truth. I don't know about the Growth factor but Ms. February 21 chalked it up as 'two ships passing in the night.' Painful though it was, reading about it after the fact and using the 'Destiny Card' software on past, present & potential relations has made me a BELIEVER!
The Relationship Readings come in three flavors: Friends, Intimate and Business. Everyone is in our life for a reason and thanks to the Cards there are 66,978 reasons why.